When you love someone, you don’t want to lose them. The fear of losing someone you love is very common – in fact, all of us might feel it at one point or another in our lives. Remember that fear is a biological mechanism that begs us to react. But how can you react to a fear of loss if there is nothing you can do, and if everything seems to be just fine?

In the end, remember that the fear of losing someone you love is actually a normal reaction. But when it starts to overcome the rest of your life, then the fear of loss has become a big problem.

How to Overcome the Fear of Losing Someone

The truth is that loved ones do pass away or leave. It happens to everyone. And that loss is very difficult to handle. But overcoming the fear of losing someone is very important, as it will free you up to enjoy your time with them. Here are some good ways to overcome the fear of loss:

Know that it’s quite normal

There is actually a name for this kind of fear that overwhelms you. It’s called ‘thantophobia.’ That’s the fear of losing someone, and it can be so strong that it takes over everything about you and your relationship with that person.

Again, remember that the fear of losing someone is normal. We all feel it from time to time, even if there is no legitimate reason. We just feel the fear because that person is so wonderful, and we love them so much, that life without them is unthinkable.


Recognize death and loss is a part of life

There are certain things that happen to everyone during their lifetime, and dealing with death is definitely one of those things. At some point, someone you love will pass away or otherwise leave you. This will happen, no matter what. Recognize that it is something you must deal with.


Stop trying to control things

Though it can be tough, remember that many things in life are out of your control, including the fear of loss. We are all vulnerable to losing someone, and though it can be tough to think about, it does happen. The more you accept that you can’t control the future, the more you will relax and live in the here and now.


Do what you can to make the best of it

Spend time with that person. Make every moment with them special. Say all the things you need to say, and then some. Never let the fear of loss keep you from being as close to that person as you can possibly be.


Write down your fears

Now is the time to talk about what you are feeling. Put your thoughts down in a journal. By airing your worries in this format, you can vent some of your fear of losing someone and possibly work through it without going through any further angst.


Live in the moment

The truth is this: life can change on a dime. What is happening in your life today might be completely different tomorrow. So embrace the time you have right now, and live in the moment as much as you can.


Trust that you can cope

A big part of that fear of loss is worrying how you will carry on if it happens. But you are stronger than you think you are. Simply ask someone who has gone through it, and they will tell you that the strength you need is there.


Trust that life goes on

It might feel impossible to move on when something bad happens. It might seem like life ends right there, where the loss occurs. But life does go on, time goes on, and you will go along with it.


Share the fear

If you are dealing with a situation in which you know you will lose someone you love – such as someone you adore having a terminal illness – talk to them and to your other loved ones about your feelings. It’s a sure bet they are going through much of the same fears you are.

Talking to your loved one might help, but professional counseling might go even further in convincing you that this should not control your life.


Remember it is never too late

Even if you do suffer your worst fear of losing someone you love, remember that they live on in your memories and your thoughts. Everything you do is influenced by them. You can take real comfort in that.


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  • tanishaNov.5 20:13
    i love a boy... he is very loving nd caring.. i love him a lot. but i usually remains very scared by the thought of losing him... i dont know why. but this feeling is overpowering me... i know sometimes i m annoying him, fighting with him without any reason. but i cant understand why i m behaving so abnormal. can any1 please suggest ne something....
  • Stop worryingOct.18 16:31
    The more we worry the more it fills our little mind with even more worst thoughts. Everyone will have their own worries, and off course problems can only arise to human beings and not trees. All we can do is to stop worrying and start living in the present. Each time you worry about something can tell to yourself you'll have a best day time of your life ahead, this way it can make you stronger and have positive influence.
  • RolandoOct.12 20:35
    I am finding myself in total fear that my girl is leaving but a lil part of me tells me that I might see her again. This article is helpful but the pain gets deeper with time and my affection grows for her even more. She knows I love her. Well in summary I've tried everything to stop her from leaving but she wants what's best for her. I still don't know what I'm gonna do when she actually leaves to another state. Anyway just passing by to express myself if anyone cares to read this. Sometimes I think life isn't fair but I know I'll come around. Hopefully the next time I can actually hold on to a girl that really wants to follow my life dreams.
  • jason lee Sep.2 07:51
    my problem is my fear is losing my wife it hits me so hard (not all the time but alot of it more when i am alone) she is my everything and losing her scares me more then any thing in the world, i got no real people to talk about this to me and her suffer mental disorders bi polar being the main one but their others counseling out for me no money or good insurance (the one i got no one takes in the counseling area) this problem started getting worse in janurary when she attempted suicide due to her mental issue and depression she got help and seems better but in all honesty she wont let me worry so i never know for sure the odds are high she will one day (who knows when) will attempted it again and could be successful and this fear eats at me but their ant nothing i can do i cant watch her 24/7 no one can and now she fine but who knows if it will stay this way, as for if it happens will i make it through the answer no cause of several reason 1 we both believe suicide a 1 way ticket to hell 2 i got nothing else worth living for with out her so when/if she does kill her self i will follow short behind cause their is no heaven or life her on earth without her
  • LilyAug.14 21:37
    I am 12 years old and I am worried that my younger brother will randomly pass away for unknown reasons I'm really afraid help!
  • iqraApr.11 07:07
    Due to that typ of fearness we can't trust someone why?
  • My mom has MS and is young and is now in Assisted Living. Seeing her in the hospital hurts but I know she is getting better care now. I still get upset of course. I fear more now losing my husband cause he is overweight and has a heart condition. One side of my family constantly judges me and says things like "don't you want him to live"as if it's all my fault I can't make him lose weight. We are eating better but it's up to him to exercise with me. I fear losing him both to death and to the weight. It hurts and I fear that I'm a failure at getting him healthier...
  • 65faithFeb.16 13:36
    I have grown sons. I totally shut down if something happens. One is an addict. The other has urinary health issues. Doing a scope in two weeks. I already fear the worst. I hate feeling like this. It's debilitating.
  • lelanieFeb.1 19:57
    I believe this fear was instilled in me when i was 19 and my fiance was shot with his own company issued firearm. The older i get and the older my parents get it has steadily been getting worse for me. My parents ornsiblings, neices and nephew would get sick with flue or other simptoms that immediataly fills my head with how severe the condition is. i will start getting filled with feelings of overwhelming anxiety and it will spiral into a feeling of extreme sadness. I will cry for hours. ... it such a debilitating feeling of hopelessness and overwhelming fear. I have also been diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy which makes it hard to control my fear even more. I don't talk to them about my fear cause they know i suffer from these feelings. And mostly i dont talk about it because i kniw they dont understand how deeply seeded thus fear is for me. I'm not afraid of dying.... I'm afraid of being alone in this world. Some days its easier to handle and try and control the feelings by trying to think positive thoughts... but other days... the thought any of my family is so devistating to me that i cant seem to handle the fear. Its an overwhelming feelimg of sadness and dispair . It starts with conversations of the symptoms they have worrying them. ... and it just snowballs to a point where it gets so overwhelmimg that i end up crying and i know its life.. and i have no ontrol over it... but it is a feeling of fear and complete and utter helplessness so much so that i wish and pray that i will go before any of them. I am on medicatiom to calm me down when the feelings wash over me. I have also been put back on antideprecionfor the last few months. But even on medication. .. i feel like my heart is being wripped out. Futher to this i have Could anyone provide me with information on how i can deal with the fear ....
  • NatashaSep.19 04:57
    Bt wt to do if othr person don't understand dis fear or anxiety even wen expressed and jus avoids u evrytime ? It's vy painful.. How to overcome dis type of fear..
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