You totally like this guy who has been trying to pick up on you, but you know that he and his ex just broke up a few months ago. Would you give in? Would you gamble for love knowing that you might just be his “rebound”? Jumping into a new relationship is easy, but trying to make it work is the hardest part. What should you do if you are dating a man who just got out of a relationship? How are you going to make it last?
Dating a Man Who Just Got out of a Relationship
Let him know how you truly feel
There is nothing wrong with being there for him during down times, but it is also not good to be known as a “friend” he can rely on. If he just got of a relationship, chances are he may not notice the real reason why you are there. Give him subtle clues of your affectionate feeling for him and be patient if he is not yet ready for a new relationship. When he’s ready, he’ll realize how awesome you are.
Take it easy
This is the best thing to do in order to protect your heart and your sanity. You totally like him, no doubt, but you don’t want to be his rebound. There is a big chance that you will be treated this way due to his recent breakup. Don’t rush things, and see him once a week to keep things going smoothly with some tension. By going slowly, you can keep your feelings and expectations on check.
Don’t sleep with him too quickly
By delaying your sexual intimacy, you can check for signs if he is truly interested in you emotionally, not just sexually. Men who just come out of a relationship usually eager to do the “act” because their last experience was not fulfilling. So be careful. Don’t let yourself get exploited by someone who is broken, because eventually, you’ll end up broken too.
Skip the “exclusively dating” label for a while
It is best that your dates are just casual and you continue to meet other people. Don’t expect him to date “only you” immediately because he just got out of a relationship and may not want to settle down that quickly. Dating can also mean getting to know the person and see if you will get along well so that someday you can manage to have a healthy relationship with him.
Ask what he learned from his past
Love experts don’t recommend that you should ask him the details of his past relationship, because this may only lead to insecurities and comparisons. But it is recommended that you ask about the lessons he learned from it. This is to give you a clue if the new relationship you are about to enter with him will be healthy. If you find his answers unacceptable, run away immediately.
Draw the line
Setting boundaries means you want a relationship with mutual respect. State your boundaries clearly and be consistent about them. For example, it is fine if your date talks about his ex sometimes, but it is not acceptable if he talks about her all the time or shows you their pictures when they were still together. You want a healthy relationship, not a rebound relationship.
Postpone family meetings
Meeting his friends and co-workers is a good start for both of you. But don’t expect to meet his family immediately if he just got out of a relationship. When he introduces you to his family, especially if you have to travel just to see them, it takes the relationship to a higher level. Wait until you’ve dated for a few months and let him tell you when he and his family are ready to meet you.
Be ready for mood shifts
You’ll notice some mood shifts from your date from time to time. There are times when he is very happy with you, and there will also be times where he seems to be so blue and missing his ex. Don’t get offended. This is just a normal process that everyone undergoes after a breakup. Just give him time to totally heal.
Help him build new memories
Old memories created with a former lover can be very painful and sad to anyone. The best thing you can do is to create new memories with him. For example, He used to dine in that restaurant during weekends with his ex. And when weekend comes, the memories of the love he lost come lingering again. In this case, ask him to go somewhere else and do things he never tried (or always wants to try) on weekend. This diverts his attention and helps him forget his past faster.
Talk about your goals
Having the same goals and expectations is very important to make your new relationship work. It is advised that you two talk about your goals to make sure you are on the same page and your goals are realistic. If he just got out of a relationship, you may have different expectations in the relationship but if both of you are willing to compromise, then the job is half done.